Last night, We watched a show called Caprica, and it’s really good! I think I’m officially addicted and can’t wait to watch more of it. I truly enjoy spending time with him, even if it’s from a distance. Still, I look forward to the day when the timing is right and he can be here in person. We have twenty years of catching up to do and, in many ways, I have twenty years to make up for.

After the show ended, I was told to go get the toys. He had me undress and instructed me to pleasure myself for him. Just when I thought I couldn’t take much more and asked for permission to finish, he told me, “Not yet.” Ugh. I honestly wasn’t sure I was going to be able to stop, but somehow I did. It was a wonderful evening in many ways, and to top it all off, I managed to get seven hours of sleep, which is a feat in itself. I felt shy, embarrassed, and exhilarated all at the same time. I felt a little naughty, yet deeply submissive and completely his.

Because I’m not ninety pounds anymore and still have about thirty pounds I’d like to lose, I don’t always feel as beautiful on camera as I did when I was younger and slimmer. They say getting older isn’t for the weak, and I suppose there’s some truth in that. Even so, as long as he finds me beautiful, that’s what truly matters. These days, it’s rare for me to allow anyone enough control over a camera to capture a full-body photo of me. Hopefully, one day I’ll feel more confident in my own skin again. Until then, I’ll choose to trust his judgment and see myself through his eyes.

In a few days, he leaves for Chicago to visit friends. I genuinely hope he has a wonderful trip, and I’m quite certain he will.

Anyway, there isn’t much else to say at the moment. I’ll save additional writings for when he returns from Chicago.

With love,

Essence